Love and Dissonance

Sometimes she wonders how it's possible to love them both so much, to want both of them and yet neither of them at the same time.

She's always jealous when she hears how happy they are together. She remembers the sun-soaked summer days and laughter so vividly. Thinking about it makes her nostalgic for the intensity that has eluded her ever since.

But she can't deny the feelings she gets from the second. The buzz, the energy, the constant anticipation. It's still new to her - even after all this time.

She loves them equally, but for different reasons, yet is frustrated that maybe neither is right for her.

Insurmountable

She likes to see possibility in everything. That's why she's so frustrated to know that, in this case, she can never, ever be enough.

Reminded

She walks down the sidewalk trying to avoid anyone's gaze. She doesn't want to engage in conversation with the crazies tonight.

"Hey beautiful," he says as he passes.

She doesn't respond as she walks away knowing he's probably one of the crazies also, but they are nice words to hear once in awhile.

One of Those Nights

The kind where she ended up in a place she had totally forgotten even existed because it was someplace she never pictured herself. Which is ironic because that's kind of how she feels about living in Manhattan in general.

Constant Contrast

Someone moves in and, somewhere in the city, another moves out.

One is taking a chance on a dream while another realizes their dream is now leading them elsewhere.

A commonplace mix of introductions and going away parties.

You can't ever get too comfortable in the city as life is never the same from one year to another.

And it's not that you don't know that when you choose to live in a city, but it's that you choose to ignore it until the day comes to say goodbye to yet another friend.