Sometimes she wonders how it's possible to love them both so much, to want both of them and yet neither of them at the same time.
She's always jealous when she hears how happy they are together. She remembers the sun-soaked summer days and laughter so vividly. Thinking about it makes her nostalgic for the intensity that has eluded her ever since.
But she can't deny the feelings she gets from the second. The buzz, the energy, the constant anticipation. It's still new to her - even after all this time.
She loves them equally, but for different reasons, yet is frustrated that maybe neither is right for her.